Random Tuesday Thoughts: Yes, the Gnome is still in my sinuses
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 22, 2009
I think I need to seriously consider hiring a gnome exterminator. Maybe Keely will know of a good one. I mean, she does fight those mice so well.
* I get so tired of people who don’t really give a damn asking me if I am feeling okay. “My eyes are swollen, my nose is backed up and I am coughing up a lung.. I feel great, thanks for asking!” I know you are only asking because you don’t want to catch anything, but I assure you, this nose issue is all mine… And no you will not catch it by talking to me from across the room, jerk!
* I should tell you all that I have been informed by the proper authorities that this holiday season is not about peace on Earth and happiness. It is about Nintendo DSs. And those words have been uttered so many times in my house, I want to threaten that if they don’t play with their DSs 24×7 that they will be grounded from everything else. Including dinner… Not that I won’t feed them, just they will have to eat at a different table so that I don’t have to hear Nintendo DS anymore! (Sorry, got a little ranty there.)
* The Mother Hen and I can bond just about anytime over anything. Yesterday, I found out that if you bond with your teenaged daughter by making disparaging comments about stars of reality TV, you are going directly to Hades. ::sigh:: At least we will be in good company.
* Did you know it is possible to get a kid to disolve into tears by playing Christmas Carols on the radio?… Neither did I.
* I was listening to the radio the other day, they were listing off some major events of the last few decades… Here is what they listed.
- Celebriy deaths
- Tiger Woods’ scandal
- Octomom
And I thought to myself… REALLY? What about 9-11, the first non-white president, wars, same-sex marriage, the list goes on… But the most important things revolve around celebrities. What is our world coming to?
Only in our house…
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 18, 2009
The Mother Hen: [WickedStepMom] you have to decorate cookies with us. You can’t leave that plate sitting over there with a bunch of naked cookies!
WickedStepMom: I made the cookies for your guys to decorate…
The Show: Yeah, but now, there are four plates, and we can’t have a plate of nudist cookies. It’s just not right! My entire holiday will be ruined because you have left the cookies naked!
The Tyrant: Yeah, I mean, you will get our cookies arrested and they will have to spend the night in cookie jail. I don’t want to eat jail-bird cookies!
Nudist Cookies
The Tyrant than hurried to get the cookies dressed…
Overused, not appreciated!
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 17, 2009
- In: The Tribe| family| frustration
- 4 Comments
The following is a list of words and phrases that are overused by the girls. Sometimes, I think that if I hear them one more time, I will seriously lose my mind.
1. You are being a brat! – This actually means, you are not doing what I want you to do, so therefore you must be a brat.
2. You are/she is being annoying. – Again, this means you are not doing what I want you to do.
3. You are giving me a migraine! – See above.
4. ______ is nicer than you! – Again, see above.
5. This tastes funny. – In other words, I don’t want to eat it and I am trying to eliminate all possible responses such as statements of “you have liked it just fine before.”
6. That’s not fair! – Roughly translates to, I am not getting my way.
What about you? What are some overused phrases in your house?
Random Tuesday Thoughts: G’Home Gnome
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 15, 2009
Its Tuesday. It’s not So Random. It’s time for me to get some new jokes. Go see Keely… she is a comedic genius, and I am just a student.
* The Gnome that has moved into my sinuses has gotten very comfy in there. He just won’t leave. Maybe the ENT doc will find a way to get him out. If not, I think it will turn into nuclear warfare… and that just won’t be good for society as a whole. I mean, who wants nuclear winter over my sinuses?… Yeah, I didn’t think that you did. So, you’re welcome. But if this goes on too much longer, it is on, Mr. Gnome!
* Bear e-mailed me this morning. This is what he wrote:
[Bear's REALLY Annoying Co-Worker]~ said I was too “chipper” this morning and suggested that “If I didn’t know better, you got lucky!” I said luck had nothing to do with it…killing two homeless people with one shot is SKILL.
He didn’t laugh.
~Name changed to be more appropriate this his given name.
* Bear, like my mother, has a very defined set of taste buds. He does not like to deviate from the normal. (And he wonders why I can’t get The Tyrant to eat another other than tacos…) I told him that I was going to take The Mother Hen out for some mediterranean food.
Bear: You hate peas!
WickedStepMom: Chickpeas are different!
Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that stay home and watch chick flicks with Hugh Grant in them.
WickedStepMom: They taste different…
Bear: Chickpeas are just peas that “WANT TO BE HELD!”
(Can you see why I love him? He is seriously awesome and can always make me laugh.)
* The Mother Hen has a new boyfriend. He is an okay guy. The Show and The Tyrant like him, which is saying a lot. But, I just can’t seem to let my guard down. I think it is because I have seen boys make The Mother Hen cry. Stupid, stinky boys…
*The Tyrant looked at me this weekend, with daggers in her eyes. I wouldn’t let her have a new toy at the store (partly because I had already bought her stuff and partly because there has to be something under the tree). She stomped her foot and said, “Mommy is nicer than you.” I grinned, “She is also taller.” She just blinked at me.
* The Show is really excited about cheerleading. In order to make the varsity team, she needs to learn to do a back walk over. I have no idea how to do this, so I suggested she look up how to do it on YouTube. This was a bad, bad suggestion…
Sibling Gift Shopping
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 14, 2009
Every year, the girls are charged with buying for each other. They start asking if they can go shopping right around Thanksgiving. So, this past weekend, we went out shopping. My mom came along for the first time with us and had a great time. There is nothing like watching the three of them diving between isles, and hiding from each other.
All in all, it was a successful trip. My mom, the ultimate Christmas Ninja, helped me to hid presents from the girls. She use to be able to buy stuff for me while I was with her without me ever knowing. I am just a ninja apprentice. I am just learning how to hid stuff from them, while they are there. One day, I hope to be as good of a ninja as her.
The Spin Cycle: New Boots
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 11, 2009
- In: Bear| The Spin Cycle
- 3 Comments
It has become kind of tradition for Bear to get me new boots during the X-mas season. I love this gift because all winter long, my feet are warm and dry. This may not seem like a big deal but when you living in Michigan and have questionable health anything that can keep you from getting sick, is the best thing ever.
This year, in addition to my boots, he got me a balaclava. It’s a neoprene face mask that covers my nose and mouth. Since the cold air sends me into coughing fits, this thing totally rocks. I get a warm face and warm breath without the bulkiness of a scarf. It is really a win-win.
The other day, Bear expressed concern that this was not enough for me. Some of his coworkers were commenting that woman like “romantic” gifts. And that she could be buying me jewelry not winter gear. This guys can take a long walk off a short pier. I happen to be allergic to most jewelry. (I know, go figure, right?) Nothing says romance like hives!
I told him that I am very happy with my gifts. To me, keeping me healthy is better than a trinket that I can look at. It shows me he cares because he make sure that I am safe and warm. Maybe, I should have held out for organic ice cream?
Parenting Blunder # ??
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 10, 2009
Okay, so I have lost count of the number of parenting mistakes I have made. But, this is a pretty good one. At least, it is an amusing one.
The Setup:
Friday night – I found fruit snack wrappers, empty juice boxes and various other food related trash all over the living room.
Saturday morning – I found pop corn in the basement, left in a bowl on the floor. I told The Show she could not have food in the basement anymore.
Saturday afternoon – I found popsicle wrappers and fruit snack wrappers on the floor in the living room. I told The Tyrant no more fruit snacks or popsicles in the living room.
The Crime:
Sunday morning – I found popcorn all over the floor and wrapped up in The Show’s blanket, in the basement.
I shouted, “The Show, get down here and clean up your mess now!”
The Show cames downstairs and said something like, “But, but but..” I used my firm, you are in trouble voice, “I thought I told you no more popcorn in the basement! I trusted you not to do it. And you went behind my back”
The Show burst into tears. “WickedStepMom, I swear after you told me no food in the basement I didn’t have any. I know that is my blanket but The Mother Hen was down here last night, not me.”
She was right. She didn’t have food down there and she was only down there for a few minutes. I am such a jerk…
Wondering on Wednesday: No boys allowed!
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 9, 2009
I have heard a lot lately about single sexed education. They separate the boys and the girls into different classes because boys and girls learn and develop skills differently and at different rates. The theory is that boys tend to get wrongly diagnosed with ADD and ADHD because teachers are not teaching to that audience.
What do you think? Should boys and girls be separated? Do boys and girls learn at different rates?
Personally, I would like the separation just so that my girls are less distracted by boys… but that is just me. 
Random Tuesday Thoughts: My head hurts
Posted by: awickedstepmom on: December 8, 2009
It’s Tuesday again. People make my head hurt, with their stupidity. Go see Keely who only makes people’s heads hurt with large hammers and ice picks.
* The other day, I was returning bottles at the grocery store. (I don’t think this is something that they do in all states, but here we pay a 10 cent deposit on bottles and can, and get it back when we return them.) There was a lady standing by the entrance handing out flyers. Several people took the flyers and then threw them on the ground. After watching this several times, curiosity got the better of me. So, I looked at the flyer. It was a Goodfellows reminder notice that their food drive ends this week…
* Bell ringers are out in force. Every time we see one, we always give the girls some change to add to the bucket. It is not much, but it is something that we always do. One little boy watched my girls dropping money into the bucket. He looked at his mom and said “Can I have some change too?” The mom said, “No, I am not giving money to those people so that they can waste it on drunks.”
* Sunday night, I had the worst migraine that I have had in a long time. I asked Bear to shoot me. He wouldn’t. I am not sure if I am angry with him over that or not…
* After reading this, I wanted Oreos. I know, I am sick.
* Two days in a row, I found popcorn in our basement all over the floor. On the second day, I came unglued. The Tyrant looked at me with her eyes really wide, “I was not even in the basement.” I nodded to her and said, “I know, honey.” She nodded and then gasped, “Ut oh… They made you mad. What were they thinking?! You save us from Daddy’s punishments. Who is going to save them from yours?”
* This coming weekend, we are going to make holiday cookies. My mother is going to be joining us for the first time. I think I am going to get her a poncho. Bear has already threated the put out tarps.
* We got a new tree this year. It is white, which is very different for us. It is also 6.5 feet tall. Our last one topped out at 3 feet. The Tyrant had to be lifed up so she could reach the top.
* Speaking of the tree trimming. We have ornaments with pictures of each kid from every year that we have been a Tribe. Bear handed The Tyrant her picture ornaments and said, “Put yourself on the tree.” She grins a wicked little grin and wraps her arms around the tree, “Okay, Daddy, I am on the tree.”
